Friday, August 13, 2010
..you're just not as good as I thought you would. @ 20:47

I'm wholly boggled and devastated, or so you might say, up even over above my stiffened cranial and off a bottomless vortex I would never be able to claw myself on the way out.

Never ever in my life I feel like I'm completely ignored. Never ever in my life I feel like I'm all indifferenced. Never ever in my life I feel just like I ain't worth remembering; although indeed I do admit that I'm just a mindless snob without much astonishing achievements worth bragging. I know I'm not that ordinarily outstanding, but still. Never ever in my life I feel like I'm meaningless and intentionally abolished, and never ever in my life I really feel the urge to write down my name, and to sign an autograph, and to raise my hand and tell anyone what my complete birthname is so that people will notice me. So that they'll know that I do exist. But then again, if it's been going just this far.. If it's been recurring for like 4 times with no improvements at all and been growing this intense [yes, this is really essential. We all know that NIM+class are really prominent; more importantly that even after PDKT was ended up there's still a tons of fundamental tests waiting for me ahead and NIM is like a passport/entrance-ticket and class is like its subway/airplane; so why in hell this so-titled-itself-as-the-leading-IT-based college could be this reckless?], yet still left reprieving, what's actually the necessity of reporting the fault, protesting the mistake and showing them my card for acquiring the validation so that all of my data will be processed and corrected afterward and later I'll be given my official NIM and class and telling people that I am literally there by adding an extra number out of the table filled by my name, number, address, parents' name and sign on the absence sheets IF AT THE END the systems aren't seriously handled and ended up stagnated which next causes my name and all of my self-informations to still not listed anywhere in all of those 7 classes and also not registered as one of the new students from the class of 2010 cause it just as well equals with I didn't do anything from the very beginning which so means I'm entirely nothing?

Shit sucks.

If only at the very first I hadn't inquired on why my name wasn't listed as a member of one of those 16 groups for PDKT. If only I hadn't complained on why I wasn't registered as one of those Industrial Engineering students and on why I hadn't yet been given a NIM and class. If only I hadn't talked to the chief office that there's some defects on its administrations and data-gatherings. If only I hadn't faced and reported the staffs to correct the failure through Sisfo by showing them my legal documents. If only I hadn't sneaked off to the class of IE-34-07 and much to my luck that there was several empty seats albeit I don't belong there just for participating the crucial Mathematics-Physics pretest and the lecturer protectorate, then introduced the masses of who I am. If only I hadn't silently cried for losing my focus when I was doing the test, and if only I hadn't signed side by side with my name for getting the college coat, I'm 100% sure that all of the officials and the students there would never and bother themselves to know my presence. And to even acknowledge that I'm actually one.

...now I know that there's seriously nothing more ravaging than when your existence is just plain neglected and ain't proper enough to be called 'something'.