Wednesday, October 19, 2011
"..what?" @ 11:43

"...no." I shortly answered when Mum abruptly told me--Wednesday morning--that this cousin from Dad's side, Tira, who is in the same class year with me, is gonna be married soon enough and she asked me whether I'm willing to go to the reception or not. I was still half-conscious and heavily drowsy. There's really no point of asking, aside of courteously ruining my sleep, cause the answer is pretty incontestable.

..though, come to think of it, it inflicts tons of yet-unresolved questions I find myself bewilderingly 'captivated', in an unpleasant way.

Earlier this afternoon, I also just figured out that one of my close friends when I was still in Elementary and Junior High School, Fethy, is going to be married to his 25-year-old bf--although indirectly, cause she initially aimed to tell it the moment the invitations spread and I coincidentally found it out through her timeline since her RTs seemed to be eluding that certain topic. Despite the fact that I won't be able to go to her wedding place in Jakarta (which for sure I want to. Hell, she was the first friend I dared to share things with and remains as one of those I cherish albeit we haven't met for 7 years), I'm kind of like... Stunned.

The world revolves around the sun, or so I perceive. Time goes on. We used to play playstation together and lend each other's copies of Harry Potter saga, and I even often had lunch everytime I got back from school at her house and spent the time until late at afternoon--I recall we ate ayam kecap the first day she was transferred to my school at the 4th grade. We went to the same Junior High though she unexpectedly departed to follow her father on the second year, we start seeing more people, we're all getting older, and we're gradually gonna be entitled with "someone's husband/wife". Sooner or later.

It's a whole new level, isn't it? Things aren't going to be the same anymore, right?

I remember I nonchalantly answered my aunt's inquiry concerning marriage with a simple "I'll start thinking about it in approximately 7 years from now on, don't worry"--to which she responded with a laughter. She reckoned it's gonna be a tad late for me to just think about how and who I'm gonna navigate my life onwards with on my 26-27--when most of the relatives have already had 6 year-old kids--without actually planning to do it...... Or even not.

I know I should've retorted her with the fact that I don't even know whether or not I'm gonna seek that desire on getting married with someone instead. That I'm fully focusing myself on my current study, and that even the stuffs I'll likely face after graduating are still pretty intangible. I just didn't want to prolong the unnecessary argument--not with her. The whole conception of marriage on my big family, and on Sundanese culture the majority of the people still hold on to, and on Islam as our utmost boundary, is utter ridiculous they uncompromisingly thwart everything that doesn't apply accordingly as mere defiance.

Eventually, everyone I know--school friends, cousins on the same age--is getting married or pregnant. They have their own little, supposedly happy, family. And I'm just............. What I'm gonna do with my life, it can't be any more vague.