Thursday, August 06, 2009
AND THEN... @ 20:41

Fate has its way. Its path.

I might be fool. Probably I’m a bit stubborn for keeping stand still to my conviction. Possibly I’m a fully jackass. Perhaps…

I just want to attend the lecture.

Am I wrong for fighting any? Am I? Should I give up and wait for another year?
It’s like I’m naked. It’s like I’m barely undressed. It’s like I’m out with Jin-SCREW look alike. Shameful, disgraceful, shy, disrepute…
It’s definitely out of my mind.

It’s not what I want.

I am forced to. Having some complication in my family involved my mother and my fucktarded father who’s too troublesome exactly obstructing my stride. Facing a fact that he fled in my re-registration money *21 Million!! WTF!!* Totally obliterating any of my longing. DAMMIT.
Occasionally, beneath her rigid and stiff, I think my mother’s too.. limp, supple; tender..
Until at the end, insensibly, I satisfy my fury to her. Off my disappointment, off my helplessness.
Though I know it’s useless.
University life was something that I wanted, dreamed, fought, and cried for. Three days remain I cried, three days remain I moaned..
It’ll too pathetic if I easily surrender. Yet.. It’ll nastily stupid if I’m holding out and regain my obstinacy and…
Gosh, why is it so hard? Dismissing an opportunity from UNPAD and ITT and I have to reach another, in another year…

I can’t stand it alone…

Literally, I can’t.