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Tard with fail English who, instead of saying anything, just spoke everything utterly stupid.

AKHL. I was having a bad mood; don't start.

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..........why fucked up, as the title implies? Because I have fucked up my News Casting's Internal Selection just this afternoon, after having a Calculus Quiz, by saying a rather long and awkward 'Uhh' on my opening due to the surging nerves, reading the news way too fast, elaborating the weather forecast way too short and simple, and explaining the Live report way too.......... Standard. EVEN WHEN THE JUDGE IS ACTUALLY MY SPECIAL CLASS LECTURER, MISS IMA!! #curses

And now if I'm still wanting to be one of the delegates for the SEO BINUS at February, I fucking need a bunch, and bunch, of prayers, luck, and miracles. I seriously fucking do, despite everyone seemed to fucking praise me it was fucking excellent and stuffs as a sorry reassuring.

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...........................now I'm officially one. Idk whether or not I'd pass it, especially News Casting. #brb covers face with Purcell's Calculus Book, 8th Ed.

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Went watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 this afternoon with Kainyan, prior having a Coconut meeting, at BSM XXII. Awesome movies, awesome effects, and stunning Emma Watson I fell in love with, really.

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It's been like a millions of times, but...





I like both impersonating and being deemed as a male, probably through my posts and stuffs, but isn't that an irony?

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Mid Term Exam has just been ended, thank God, although I still have to wait for the results and this so-awesome-Campus where I'm currently studying still shines its glory and won't let me taking a short break, even just for a day. I'm still obliged to go to Campus and having a regular lecturer tomorrow and, probably.... Starting to ride myself all the way to it without any driving license. My Father's sick, and so is my my Brother, and I'm too lazy to go on a public transportation. Concerning the safety which has made traumatized; the cost, which is an utter waste since I really need to save money, and the required time which takes me within such distance with 7 AM as the fucking deadline. Even if I still have no idea on how to turn the machine on and off and how to put it properly on a parking lot.

...so yeah.

Despite deeming Religion I had on Tuesday as a rather successful leap, and whilst Algorithm and Programming I had on Monday being fairly okay--though doubtful--which is slightly assuring; there was this Calculus at Wednesday which I've done pretty recklessly due to over confidence or, most possibly, it's way appropriate if I call it as 'dumb over-confidence + snobbish fatuity'. Say goodbye at the 3rd point, where I was incapable of implementing the actual concept of implicit differentiation combined with trigonometry and determining the final straight line equation. Say 'see you' to the 2nd point of the task, which was hesitating. Wave a parting 'farewell, majesty' to the 5th point, since I left the first option on a huge failure by claiming that the graph has a down-monotone point  on (~ , -1) where it actually HAS NONE. Take a look at its quadrate, gdit. It was all an up-monotone, self; thus there was no sign transition from (-1) AND no maximum-local point for (-1, f(-1)) cause it's actually one of the concavity-point I disobeyed to write at the 2nd option. Later, what seemed to be really simple actually gave a big impact for the majorly-wrong graphic for the arrows' direction was wrong; and hell, I kept on being careless by skipping the third option just because there were no vertical/horizontal/oblique asymptots and so there's no need to write it down even after having been previously warned that it's always been examined in parallel system. WTF, so many mistakes. WTF. WHAT THE FUCK.

#save this spot for fidgeting and making herself calm

I'll just keep for myself anything that happened in Thursday, regarding the allowance for not rolling into the English Class Exam; and I'll also skip the bumbling-blabbering part for Technical Drawing I had on Saturday since the hatred tank has already been emptied, thanks. An Introduction to Industrial Engineering at Monday, November 1, was somehow blissful, remembering how nice my ability in arguing and providing persuasive explanations is--despite being so noisy up until I was remarked by the supervisor and threatened by the fact that I was gonna be reported for the charge of cheating, although I didn't. I also did forget to re-read my latest individual paper concerning the problematic faced in IE and it was asked in Number 3, dammit. Today's Environmental Introductory was also really good for the questions WERE EXACTLY ALL THE SAME with the previous year's, which I skimmed; and hours later on the afternoon:

I've done my very first transaction via ATM after getting my Silver Card, hoorraaayy!!! #thrownbytomatoes

I was really confused on how to use the ATM properly, with all honesty; and I only stood in front of the booth for like half an hour, staring at the machine like an ancient, primordial Homo Sapiens looking at an outerspace box with a shiny blue-board filled with robotic scratches and slots which can produce doodled papers, observing the correct position of the card when it was entered, and let myself preceded by people who were queuing behind me. #shrugs that said, it's my actual first card I'm permitted to own for this-more-than-18-years-since-I-first-stepped-on-life, and I had always used my mum's for everything I need to transfer due to pre-ordering stuffs like clothes and hobbies-related online--even if it usually left me grounded afterward, lol.

And thus, by that, Mid Term Exams have been officially done, and all lectures are paced up, assignments are lining, and tomorrow I'm gonna see the results at C Building. With a real trembling body.

Strengthen me, God.

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There was this oddly similar glimpse I dreamed for the last 2 days; and it always happened to be pretty much alike a 'closing scene' of the whole scraps I saw: where everything paused in a second, went blurry, lights slowly got dimmed, and the curtain called. And the entire recursive disappeared instantaneously as if it were leaving me questioning. And as I was partly awoken, the scenes vaguely replayed itself; chanting its own photographic resonances.

...well, I honestly like it.

Off the top of my head, it was all hue. Everything's orange. The sun was rather leaden, and the sky was crimson. Was it an evening? I don't know. As I somehow regained my body's consciousness, and took control out of myself, one thing that I could only feel was that my foot were bared; and that I stood still in a middle of a spacious grass-filled next to someone whose face I couldn't quite recall; holding each other's hands. I don't know who he is, nor I remember how his face actually looks like; and I'm quite certain that I don't know him in person for we both had previously never met, but he smiled. That boy, who's about in the same age, approximately 5'6" height, lanky-built, medium-cut-and-messy haired, smiled to me. And it felt like a sincere smile one could possibly give, sincerely, with no demands/aims/returns to you. While it was all serene, and while I was frugally content with the given impression that his smile implied an absolute happiness of my presence, I smiled back; and I smiled like I recognized him. Like he was the very one person I waited for years who just came out of nowhere, and I instinctively just knew. I could sense it that my half-parted lips involuntarily drew an austere knot towards him; devoutly responding. I sensed it that his clutch was firmed up as he tightened his grasp, brushing both of my hands with subtle touches for mere words couldn't demonstrate his longing for closeness.

--or should I name it as ours?

For a moment which seemed like an eternity, a chilly wind breezed upon us; delightfully waving our hairs. For a time which flew like centuries, we stared within each other's eyes' depth; lips arching, hearts leaping, and both mouths shut.

His orbs, by all means, clearly revealed a reflection of his tender affection; escorted with a profound amount of an already-redeemed yearning.

And as the needle ticked, silence echoed down. And as everything went darkened, in all of a sudden, I leaned forward, closer; and I unhesitatingly hugged him by his shoulders. There was no sound or movements at all but the foliage rubbed against the air and my own breath; and my foot scraping the ground, and our heartbeats unified as one. Despite being rather flattered at first, he soon stepped the more nearer to me, erasing the remaining distance; knitting his chest into mine, and gently caressing my hair. He brought my body sinking into his embrace, still without words.................. And he hugged me back like he'll never let me go. And I could feel him smiling, simply, and whispering, "I'm happy we finally met.", and nestling his figure tautly; along with saying "I'm happy that we're finally together.". I snuck my head off his neck. Closing my sight, smelling his scent through his unclothed, exposed skin; I saw the reeds hovering in harmony and felt the mixture between the long-awaited warmth and bliss bursting inside me, while speaking, "I'm glad you're now here."

Then boundaries crushed.

Then whatever fitted the terminology of duration and distance were dissolved into ashes, wiped out off into nothingness.



And the sun dead. And everything went dark. And at the time it was fading, and this dream completely disappeared, I woke up; exhaling and inhaling regularly, frantically inquiring. As if it were an invoking sign for me to be kept. Or struggling to be a sort of 'future vision'.........
A sweet one, I may say.

I'd like to see this dream again.

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....so. Y'see; now I know how it feels like when you're having a stress due to the excessive amount of assignments and when, point is, YOU'RE HAVING A CRASH ON YOUR ALGORITHM AND PROGRAMMING QUIZ AND TECHNICAL DRAWING PRACTICUM AND YET THERE'S NO ONE'S WILLING OR ABLE TO TRADE FOR A SCHEDULE-EXCHANGE CAUSE THE WHOLE WEEK ITSELF IS ALREADY FILLED, dammit. And there's also this exasperating Koi-Pond 3D construction task whilst I'll soon be having an AaP Practicum + Mini Group-Exhibition for English Special Class on Tuesday, Calculus Quiz on Thursday--of which I haven't gotten even a single occasion for either preparing/skimming/reading/practicing and Kultum Task for Mentoring on Friday. Still not enough?

...fuck, fucking yes.

So when today I went to college for a schedule-input [merely for being abruptly skipped by the Lab Assistants for no clear reason and ended up given the last number of the queue-list so that my group now is deserted on the black-list sched and torn inbetween, holy shit.] and for giving my preliminary AaP Practicum task, and for discussing how my group's pond's construction should be, a realization hit me as I saw my stoic-self on the mirror. ....that I lack of eating. That I lack of sleeping, and that I extremely lack of structured-learning. I lack of self-practicing where I'm supposed to give an Autodesk Inventor/Turbo Pascal/C++ trials, cause I have only done none. I lack of praying, and reciting the Holy Qur'an. I lack of................. Mostly, anything.

This isn't a troll, but yes. Taking a college at IT Telkom is a plain right knock on your head. Despite being really enjoyable [ENGLISH SPECIAL CLASS' LECTURER FTW. STUDENT ENGLISH CLUB FTW. PERMIB COMPLETELY FUCKING OWNS.], it's so exhausting that you'd wish an extra 500 GB free space of Insulin and an extra 1 TB of cerebellums. And no, I'm not exaggerating things.

........how I want to cut my hair short.

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One thing that I obviously learned from Holidays, especially a long one, and that I already knew but is still hard to be eluded, is that you're getting even more butthurt as time flies on. As ever.

And that is not good.

No, as long as you're supposed to re-read anything. As long as you're supposed to comprehend subjects which weren't wholly or clearly demonstrated, and which left you dazzled. As long as you're supposed to do tasks which require you to read what you haven't. As long as you're supposed to learn on riding your bike, so that you won't ask your father or brother to drive you on the way to your college. As long as you're supposed to do ALL those housekeeping things, while you haven't done your college-tasks, while you haven't skimmed anything, while you haven't comprehend any of the ItIE/AaP/TD/Cal subjects, and instead you just keep on staring at your monitor and clicking your mouse and being a lazy ass all the time. And just coldly posting an entry, while you yourself haven't invested even a single second for all those things you're supposed to do.

........God, I need to stop.

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Campus' Library event today; been given a subscriber cards, official NIM+KTM, have met Mrs. Luci to tell her that I'm an additional student in her class yesterday and also eventually been listed at the absence sheet [or at least at the latest-updated students' data-recollecting at the Learning Center cause the censor machine could easily identify me through my NIM once I submitted it and I was also written down as one of IE-05 student when I checked the sheet during the Library counseling], fuckyes.

...and today's also my very first time in learning Calculus; how cool is it. And as well my very first time in joining an extracurricular activity, Student English Club [and probably with Japan Genki Community], aside of those organizations which are required in the very first place by filling the application form without much experiences and competition achievements and only relies on my own self-confidence; lol. Have met Reza I know through FB thus far, too, who recognizes me by staring within minutes once Reyhan exclaimed my complete name and is surprisingly my classmate from now and further; and Hilmy, who greeted me while running to escort his friends out of GSG to fetch the latest Religion Class in Monday after taking a single glance, simple pleasures.

So yeah, today's pretty much exciting. And at last... I have a fairly long chat with one of Japanesia user I admittedly grow my fellowship-fondness due to similar perspectives and opinions, kyo!; and I screencaps'ed some parts I think to be highly amusing. :3


..........reduce the offensive amount and mount up the sarcasms; what a brilliant suggestion.

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...been finishing my shitty-tears fest [read: ESQ] schedule at Wed to Thursday, and given a valid certificate. Been thoughtlessly doing my EPrT and EPT yesterday; although I admit that I do need some miracles if I'm still hoping for >500 pts as my score due to my bleeding head and the lack of sound systems which later caused vague, inaudible and unrepeatable dialogs--not pointing out at the easier Structure and Reading sections--dammit. Been attending my faculty meetings, registering myself at mentoring program as one of religion tasks, planning to check the absence sheet once the Lecture starts just in case if my data is still not listed so that I'll soon report it to the Head of BK again and receiving text from my Lecturer Trustee to arrange a meeting at Monday; whilst Monday is... Gonna suck. Programming Algorithm + practicum [plus bonus with its strictly killer Lecturer, a Senior from HMTI said] and An Introduction to Industrial Engineering FTW, WOOO.

And last,


Screencaps of both of my far-too-straight posts at Japanesia; severely censored. Jaku completely owns. :''D

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..today's schedule was only a Psikotest, God Genes; the second last test which has just made my hands cramped for like more than 4 and a half hours before I'm going to face the awaited English Proficiency (EPrT) and English Placement Test (EPT), yes. Fuck fucking yes.

So yeah, concerning the previous problems I've already written below. It's been over right now; I've got my NIM and been placed at IE-34-05 for now and the next 4 years already after Mum came directly to the Chief Empress of BK herself. Gotta go to meet my new faculty trustee tomorrow, I suppose, and print this semester's provisional KSM to BAA as it was apparently the main culprit of why I wasn't listed as one of those IE students on the class of 2010 cause it seems like the Officer had forgotten to slip on the paper into my KP document. And probably... Just probably, since college ends up a whole lot earlier; gotta go to another bukber with Deluhi fans Bandung with Nyan at Gokana Teppan, Cihampelas Walk. I don't know; something about it resonates me that it's gonna be annoyingly awkward and that I shouldn't be going at all costs.

..who knows.

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........eh. I just want to sincerely state here that TAINTED WORLD's PROJECT MIXTAPE initiated by CAT5 IS BRILLIANT as hell; even gotten to the point of where I think I might be back and listen to western avant-garde, progressive, [tribal] ambient, dark folk, gothic and metal stuffs again, which I've abandoned for years.

And anyway. Today's planning has just succeeded: Buka Bersama plus Staff Gathering @Metro Indah Mall, Soekarno-Hatta, Bandung; 15th August, 2010. Despite the fact that I wasn't really content with the foods I ordered and that all of my expectations and assumptions completely shattered as I met the real Nyan and Bang Blod, lawl, I'm exceptionally pleased for having meet both of you guys I knew merely through forums and sharing conversations and laughs per face to face; special thanks should've been given to Nyan for driving me home, ++1000 karma to you. 8DDD

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My mother has been off on her way to Gorontalo as I was sleeping and will be back in three days at 30th; how aggravating it is.

On another hand; soo. It's actually right that the new students at IT Telkom will be given free notebooks/laptops, although further specifications haven't yet been announced. And it's actually right, too, that PDKT is scary enough that we will be ordered to bring something quite strange, who knows; stuffs that I've been knowing so far are just still reassuringly common. The only thing that sucks is that it'll soon be started as it is advanced for 2 days into August, 7th; shit fucks.

..and yeah; I've got enough girl-mates in the same program for preparing.

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So. A drama; over again, which this time relates to a polemic owned by Girugamesh made by one of its pure fantard. And which, all over again, fails to at least recreatively amuse me. It started off by some strange scrobblings on last.fm done by several newly registered users as told below:

The first three users: damned7, kyosou_kyoku and kryzyss; who were all registered from 12th to 17th July, 2010 and have only scrobbled 5-16 times are shown to have a track tagged as Girugamesh's A Foolish Mindcore as their recent played. The last one I captured, shadowdio, seems to be only the "real" profile; as it was registered since 6 months ago. Interestingly, all listening data was reset on July 20th, as you might have seen; the same day all the following things happened:

• A user signed up under the name "shadowdio" at Tainted World forum [as a matter of a fact, he was also ever being a member of the old TW and used the member title "trade only hater" and created a topic "Stuff we'll never see around" to rant about rare stuff that was impossible to get because of people who wouldn't share it]. Minutes later, he signed up another account from the same IP, called "bowwow". Right after registration, he created the request thread for this "A Foolish Mindcore" we're currently talking, an alleged livehouse distributed CD by Girugemash under the name bowwow; a file that he allegedly scrobbled on last.fm often enough to become the Top Listener (under the name shadowdio. It's also highly likely that all the users over the right side on the page who added that track into their library are also A FAKE accounts.) See here: >>Link<<

• It gets even better. It has been brought to my attention that not long ago somebody edited Girugamesh's wikipedia page to add that release to their discography section. The TW admin, Champ213, soon enough managed to check the revision history to see who inserted the reference to that single. From what she successfully got, the edits were made from an anonymous user only identified by his IP. She checked this IP too and, unsurprisingly, found out that that is from the same city as the user shadowdio/bowwow came from [Buenos Aires, Argentina] and uses the same service provider. Sooo; even if you're helplessly stupid. Isn't it safe to assume that it's the same person again?

They had no live at this day. Also, there are no official sources stating that it was even released, nor there are mentions about any live distributed at members blog. And seriously, just in case if you use your brain properly: they are all poppy now, why should they release a song called mindcore? It won't even cross their mind!

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I TOOOOLLDDD YE.

I had told you that I wouldn't be telling you again. My life does, if not all, consist of mostly shits in each seconds where you were in; so please. I beg you. NO MORE SHITS. No more "OH MY GOD PLZ I'M LONELY PLZ COME BACK TO ME LET'S GET MARRIED AGAIIN PLZ I'M NO LONGER THE SAME DEPRAVED PERSON U USED TO KNOOOWWW I LOVE OUR CHLDRENZ PLZZ WE HAD BUILT OUR FAMILY FOR MOAR THAN 23 YEARZ I'M CHANGED FORGIVE MEE DON'T JUST LET IT ENDS LYK DIIIZZZ LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN FOR AT LEAST THE XXX.XXX.XXXTH TIMEES PLISZ!" BULLSHITS. No more pretending like you've been in a deep remorse if you actually have not. No more going batshit insane once you were rejected. No more threatening my mother, no more coming to our house every single day and silently locking my mother's room when you both were inside for mentally assaulting her and most importantly. NO MORE CURSING ME WITH SUCH SHITS LIKE I WILL BE ENDED UP WITH NO GUYS WILLING TO BE MY SPOUSE OR HUSBAND, God, I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT TO YOUR LONG IN GIVING A VENT FOR YOUR RAGING ANGER; dammit. No more pointing out at my brother to be my future guardian of wedlock once I get married just because you will never be one if you're still alive, dipshit; you ARE my father, no matter how much I hate you. So, please, I'm begging. Just leave us alone. Just find your own new life. JUST, please, go. With peace. For both our sakes. We're all tired with this shits.


In the meantime.... However. I've just bought a set of shits yesterday evening, due to Mum's demand. And make-up kits and body-treatment stuffs do count as shits. Well.. Thing is, I just went back home from buying those, which I've never bothered myself whether wasting my money for or using [only occasionally; if I really feel the need for applying and in special events where I think it's necessary]; and that's shits.

..so yeah, this entry is shits-abusive.

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and I believe in myself that it's--ignoring the fact that we're not even remotely close to be called 'cyber acquaintances who knows each other'--worth mentioning; even if you've only been doing me favors like 'uploading the whole discography of Phobia I had searched almost everywhere but to find nothing, in Mediafire' and 'granting my topic concerning Merrygoround's obscure goodies'--that's enough.

You're two now officially becoming my heroes, Skidium and elias-san; because so I won't bother asking Sho. And SUBLIMINAL/gensyoku-san too, as well, for upping the rather rare 六合's 宵闇の残光 once I posted a reply in request section. No idea either it's actually hard to get.. Or is it just me not seeking quite thoroughly?

Otherwise, deep inside. I know I'm asking too much.

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I'm honestly feeling a tad envious towards Arya-san right now after reading his Live Report on DELUHI's BLITZKRIEG LIVE ＠ 大阪 MUSE 2010. Not that I'm feeling envious because he was lucky enough to get the front row of the show so that he was able to see the members' clean and kickass performance, no. Not because he, much to my surprise, got an official guitar pick given directly by Leda which he used during the live and gotten an opportunity to say a simple "おおきにledaさん！" either; BUT. To put that aside. To be able to see the real Aggy in person.......

:contemplates:

Ah, well. :smacks self prior going all retard:


Anyway, regarding Lycaon's newest single +preview and bassist. Since I neither want myself to be a helplessly stupid fantard similar to those fujoushi who're highly likely squealing insanely over someone they think quite infatuating [OWAAAAAAAA YUUUKIIII UR SO KAWAIII YUUKIII RAEP ME PLIIZ HOW SEXY U R! I CAN IZILY TELL DAT UR NOT WEARIN' ANY UNDERWERZ UNDERNEATH UR TIGHT AND LACED LEATHER PANTS COZ I CAN CLEARLY C UR NAKED HIPS AND THIGHS ON EROS WOOO HONEEYYY YUUKI-KUUUNN KISSZ ME PLZ!!!!! 8(>///o///<)8] nor could I care less with how fucked the aforementioned vocalist [who, sluttily enough, was licking on a white sticky fluids from his hands] and how failed both Satoshi trying to impersonate Slash and that their crappy jazzy VK monster theme had successfully brought them into a whole new level of bad were, but the preview itself.. Terrible. Just terrible, really; and it's gotten to the point of where I don't think the full-length track is gonna make this up, at any rate.

Either way, into a pleasing one; before I went way too far on slapping them: congratulations to lynch. for both signing a major deal and starting their real debut after finishing their latest indies live tour in autumn this year; I've seen this coming. You guys totally deserved it.

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..have just, once again, gone on a pilgrimage to Tangerang due to my maternal Aunt's mother's death; who has been laid on an eternal rest on Friday noon, July 16th.

And buying stuffs like a plain black Vans slip-on shoes and an unkl347 sling bag for college.


..eh. I guess that's just enough for now; some neat rests like a long sleeps are inarguably needed. Then again.. Anyhow. I know it's not just me, but, despite the song sounded fairly awesome, his hair being so mighty and that he himself looked perfectly healthy and really appealing, Daisuke-san's yet to be released PV [which is included in his upcoming second solo single that has already been finished before his passings] strangely looks like it's a funeral-filmed. O____________O

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So. This is gonna be my upcoming curriculum in the first semester in the Industrial Engineering program, as I screen-captured from the college's site:









Looks like it's gonna be scary, isn't it.

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Tard with fail English who, instead of saying anything, just spoke everything utterly stupid.

AKHL. I was having a bad mood; don't start.

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..........why fucked up, as the title implies? Because I have fucked up my News Casting's Internal Selection just this afternoon, after having a Calculus Quiz, by saying a rather long and awkward 'Uhh' on my opening due to the surging nerves, reading the news way too fast, elaborating the weather forecast way too short and simple, and explaining the Live report way too.......... Standard. EVEN WHEN THE JUDGE IS ACTUALLY MY SPECIAL CLASS LECTURER, MISS IMA!! #curses

And now if I'm still wanting to be one of the delegates for the SEO BINUS at February, I fucking need a bunch, and bunch, of prayers, luck, and miracles. I seriously fucking do, despite everyone seemed to fucking praise me it was fucking excellent and stuffs as a sorry reassuring.

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...........................now I'm officially one. Idk whether or not I'd pass it, especially News Casting. #brb covers face with Purcell's Calculus Book, 8th Ed.

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Went watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 this afternoon with Kainyan, prior having a Coconut meeting, at BSM XXII. Awesome movies, awesome effects, and stunning Emma Watson I fell in love with, really.

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It's been like a millions of times, but...





I like both impersonating and being deemed as a male, probably through my posts and stuffs, but isn't that an irony?

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Mid Term Exam has just been ended, thank God, although I still have to wait for the results and this so-awesome-Campus where I'm currently studying still shines its glory and won't let me taking a short break, even just for a day. I'm still obliged to go to Campus and having a regular lecturer tomorrow and, probably.... Starting to ride myself all the way to it without any driving license. My Father's sick, and so is my my Brother, and I'm too lazy to go on a public transportation. Concerning the safety which has made traumatized; the cost, which is an utter waste since I really need to save money, and the required time which takes me within such distance with 7 AM as the fucking deadline. Even if I still have no idea on how to turn the machine on and off and how to put it properly on a parking lot.

...so yeah.

Despite deeming Religion I had on Tuesday as a rather successful leap, and whilst Algorithm and Programming I had on Monday being fairly okay--though doubtful--which is slightly assuring; there was this Calculus at Wednesday which I've done pretty recklessly due to over confidence or, most possibly, it's way appropriate if I call it as 'dumb over-confidence + snobbish fatuity'. Say goodbye at the 3rd point, where I was incapable of implementing the actual concept of implicit differentiation combined with trigonometry and determining the final straight line equation. Say 'see you' to the 2nd point of the task, which was hesitating. Wave a parting 'farewell, majesty' to the 5th point, since I left the first option on a huge failure by claiming that the graph has a down-monotone point  on (~ , -1) where it actually HAS NONE. Take a look at its quadrate, gdit. It was all an up-monotone, self; thus there was no sign transition from (-1) AND no maximum-local point for (-1, f(-1)) cause it's actually one of the concavity-point I disobeyed to write at the 2nd option. Later, what seemed to be really simple actually gave a big impact for the majorly-wrong graphic for the arrows' direction was wrong; and hell, I kept on being careless by skipping the third option just because there were no vertical/horizontal/oblique asymptots and so there's no need to write it down even after having been previously warned that it's always been examined in parallel system. WTF, so many mistakes. WTF. WHAT THE FUCK.

#save this spot for fidgeting and making herself calm

I'll just keep for myself anything that happened in Thursday, regarding the allowance for not rolling into the English Class Exam; and I'll also skip the bumbling-blabbering part for Technical Drawing I had on Saturday since the hatred tank has already been emptied, thanks. An Introduction to Industrial Engineering at Monday, November 1, was somehow blissful, remembering how nice my ability in arguing and providing persuasive explanations is--despite being so noisy up until I was remarked by the supervisor and threatened by the fact that I was gonna be reported for the charge of cheating, although I didn't. I also did forget to re-read my latest individual paper concerning the problematic faced in IE and it was asked in Number 3, dammit. Today's Environmental Introductory was also really good for the questions WERE EXACTLY ALL THE SAME with the previous year's, which I skimmed; and hours later on the afternoon:

I've done my very first transaction via ATM after getting my Silver Card, hoorraaayy!!! #thrownbytomatoes

I was really confused on how to use the ATM properly, with all honesty; and I only stood in front of the booth for like half an hour, staring at the machine like an ancient, primordial Homo Sapiens looking at an outerspace box with a shiny blue-board filled with robotic scratches and slots which can produce doodled papers, observing the correct position of the card when it was entered, and let myself preceded by people who were queuing behind me. #shrugs that said, it's my actual first card I'm permitted to own for this-more-than-18-years-since-I-first-stepped-on-life, and I had always used my mum's for everything I need to transfer due to pre-ordering stuffs like clothes and hobbies-related online--even if it usually left me grounded afterward, lol.

And thus, by that, Mid Term Exams have been officially done, and all lectures are paced up, assignments are lining, and tomorrow I'm gonna see the results at C Building. With a real trembling body.

Strengthen me, God.

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There was this oddly similar glimpse I dreamed for the last 2 days; and it always happened to be pretty much alike a 'closing scene' of the whole scraps I saw: where everything paused in a second, went blurry, lights slowly got dimmed, and the curtain called. And the entire recursive disappeared instantaneously as if it were leaving me questioning. And as I was partly awoken, the scenes vaguely replayed itself; chanting its own photographic resonances.

...well, I honestly like it.

Off the top of my head, it was all hue. Everything's orange. The sun was rather leaden, and the sky was crimson. Was it an evening? I don't know. As I somehow regained my body's consciousness, and took control out of myself, one thing that I could only feel was that my foot were bared; and that I stood still in a middle of a spacious grass-filled next to someone whose face I couldn't quite recall; holding each other's hands. I don't know who he is, nor I remember how his face actually looks like; and I'm quite certain that I don't know him in person for we both had previously never met, but he smiled. That boy, who's about in the same age, approximately 5'6" height, lanky-built, medium-cut-and-messy haired, smiled to me. And it felt like a sincere smile one could possibly give, sincerely, with no demands/aims/returns to you. While it was all serene, and while I was frugally content with the given impression that his smile implied an absolute happiness of my presence, I smiled back; and I smiled like I recognized him. Like he was the very one person I waited for years who just came out of nowhere, and I instinctively just knew. I could sense it that my half-parted lips involuntarily drew an austere knot towards him; devoutly responding. I sensed it that his clutch was firmed up as he tightened his grasp, brushing both of my hands with subtle touches for mere words couldn't demonstrate his longing for closeness.

--or should I name it as ours?

For a moment which seemed like an eternity, a chilly wind breezed upon us; delightfully waving our hairs. For a time which flew like centuries, we stared within each other's eyes' depth; lips arching, hearts leaping, and both mouths shut.

His orbs, by all means, clearly revealed a reflection of his tender affection; escorted with a profound amount of an already-redeemed yearning.

And as the needle ticked, silence echoed down. And as everything went darkened, in all of a sudden, I leaned forward, closer; and I unhesitatingly hugged him by his shoulders. There was no sound or movements at all but the foliage rubbed against the air and my own breath; and my foot scraping the ground, and our heartbeats unified as one. Despite being rather flattered at first, he soon stepped the more nearer to me, erasing the remaining distance; knitting his chest into mine, and gently caressing my hair. He brought my body sinking into his embrace, still without words.................. And he hugged me back like he'll never let me go. And I could feel him smiling, simply, and whispering, "I'm happy we finally met.", and nestling his figure tautly; along with saying "I'm happy that we're finally together.". I snuck my head off his neck. Closing my sight, smelling his scent through his unclothed, exposed skin; I saw the reeds hovering in harmony and felt the mixture between the long-awaited warmth and bliss bursting inside me, while speaking, "I'm glad you're now here."

Then boundaries crushed.

Then whatever fitted the terminology of duration and distance were dissolved into ashes, wiped out off into nothingness.



And the sun dead. And everything went dark. And at the time it was fading, and this dream completely disappeared, I woke up; exhaling and inhaling regularly, frantically inquiring. As if it were an invoking sign for me to be kept. Or struggling to be a sort of 'future vision'.........
A sweet one, I may say.

I'd like to see this dream again.

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....so. Y'see; now I know how it feels like when you're having a stress due to the excessive amount of assignments and when, point is, YOU'RE HAVING A CRASH ON YOUR ALGORITHM AND PROGRAMMING QUIZ AND TECHNICAL DRAWING PRACTICUM AND YET THERE'S NO ONE'S WILLING OR ABLE TO TRADE FOR A SCHEDULE-EXCHANGE CAUSE THE WHOLE WEEK ITSELF IS ALREADY FILLED, dammit. And there's also this exasperating Koi-Pond 3D construction task whilst I'll soon be having an AaP Practicum + Mini Group-Exhibition for English Special Class on Tuesday, Calculus Quiz on Thursday--of which I haven't gotten even a single occasion for either preparing/skimming/reading/practicing and Kultum Task for Mentoring on Friday. Still not enough?

...fuck, fucking yes.

So when today I went to college for a schedule-input [merely for being abruptly skipped by the Lab Assistants for no clear reason and ended up given the last number of the queue-list so that my group now is deserted on the black-list sched and torn inbetween, holy shit.] and for giving my preliminary AaP Practicum task, and for discussing how my group's pond's construction should be, a realization hit me as I saw my stoic-self on the mirror. ....that I lack of eating. That I lack of sleeping, and that I extremely lack of structured-learning. I lack of self-practicing where I'm supposed to give an Autodesk Inventor/Turbo Pascal/C++ trials, cause I have only done none. I lack of praying, and reciting the Holy Qur'an. I lack of................. Mostly, anything.

This isn't a troll, but yes. Taking a college at IT Telkom is a plain right knock on your head. Despite being really enjoyable [ENGLISH SPECIAL CLASS' LECTURER FTW. STUDENT ENGLISH CLUB FTW. PERMIB COMPLETELY FUCKING OWNS.], it's so exhausting that you'd wish an extra 500 GB free space of Insulin and an extra 1 TB of cerebellums. And no, I'm not exaggerating things.

........how I want to cut my hair short.

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One thing that I obviously learned from Holidays, especially a long one, and that I already knew but is still hard to be eluded, is that you're getting even more butthurt as time flies on. As ever.

And that is not good.

No, as long as you're supposed to re-read anything. As long as you're supposed to comprehend subjects which weren't wholly or clearly demonstrated, and which left you dazzled. As long as you're supposed to do tasks which require you to read what you haven't. As long as you're supposed to learn on riding your bike, so that you won't ask your father or brother to drive you on the way to your college. As long as you're supposed to do ALL those housekeeping things, while you haven't done your college-tasks, while you haven't skimmed anything, while you haven't comprehend any of the ItIE/AaP/TD/Cal subjects, and instead you just keep on staring at your monitor and clicking your mouse and being a lazy ass all the time. And just coldly posting an entry, while you yourself haven't invested even a single second for all those things you're supposed to do.

........God, I need to stop.

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Campus' Library event today; been given a subscriber cards, official NIM+KTM, have met Mrs. Luci to tell her that I'm an additional student in her class yesterday and also eventually been listed at the absence sheet [or at least at the latest-updated students' data-recollecting at the Learning Center cause the censor machine could easily identify me through my NIM once I submitted it and I was also written down as one of IE-05 student when I checked the sheet during the Library counseling], fuckyes.

...and today's also my very first time in learning Calculus; how cool is it. And as well my very first time in joining an extracurricular activity, Student English Club [and probably with Japan Genki Community], aside of those organizations which are required in the very first place by filling the application form without much experiences and competition achievements and only relies on my own self-confidence; lol. Have met Reza I know through FB thus far, too, who recognizes me by staring within minutes once Reyhan exclaimed my complete name and is surprisingly my classmate from now and further; and Hilmy, who greeted me while running to escort his friends out of GSG to fetch the latest Religion Class in Monday after taking a single glance, simple pleasures.

So yeah, today's pretty much exciting. And at last... I have a fairly long chat with one of Japanesia user I admittedly grow my fellowship-fondness due to similar perspectives and opinions, kyo!; and I screencaps'ed some parts I think to be highly amusing. :3


..........reduce the offensive amount and mount up the sarcasms; what a brilliant suggestion.

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...been finishing my shitty-tears fest [read: ESQ] schedule at Wed to Thursday, and given a valid certificate. Been thoughtlessly doing my EPrT and EPT yesterday; although I admit that I do need some miracles if I'm still hoping for >500 pts as my score due to my bleeding head and the lack of sound systems which later caused vague, inaudible and unrepeatable dialogs--not pointing out at the easier Structure and Reading sections--dammit. Been attending my faculty meetings, registering myself at mentoring program as one of religion tasks, planning to check the absence sheet once the Lecture starts just in case if my data is still not listed so that I'll soon report it to the Head of BK again and receiving text from my Lecturer Trustee to arrange a meeting at Monday; whilst Monday is... Gonna suck. Programming Algorithm + practicum [plus bonus with its strictly killer Lecturer, a Senior from HMTI said] and An Introduction to Industrial Engineering FTW, WOOO.

And last,


Screencaps of both of my far-too-straight posts at Japanesia; severely censored. Jaku completely owns. :''D

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..today's schedule was only a Psikotest, God Genes; the second last test which has just made my hands cramped for like more than 4 and a half hours before I'm going to face the awaited English Proficiency (EPrT) and English Placement Test (EPT), yes. Fuck fucking yes.

So yeah, concerning the previous problems I've already written below. It's been over right now; I've got my NIM and been placed at IE-34-05 for now and the next 4 years already after Mum came directly to the Chief Empress of BK herself. Gotta go to meet my new faculty trustee tomorrow, I suppose, and print this semester's provisional KSM to BAA as it was apparently the main culprit of why I wasn't listed as one of those IE students on the class of 2010 cause it seems like the Officer had forgotten to slip on the paper into my KP document. And probably... Just probably, since college ends up a whole lot earlier; gotta go to another bukber with Deluhi fans Bandung with Nyan at Gokana Teppan, Cihampelas Walk. I don't know; something about it resonates me that it's gonna be annoyingly awkward and that I shouldn't be going at all costs.

..who knows.

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........eh. I just want to sincerely state here that TAINTED WORLD's PROJECT MIXTAPE initiated by CAT5 IS BRILLIANT as hell; even gotten to the point of where I think I might be back and listen to western avant-garde, progressive, [tribal] ambient, dark folk, gothic and metal stuffs again, which I've abandoned for years.

And anyway. Today's planning has just succeeded: Buka Bersama plus Staff Gathering @Metro Indah Mall, Soekarno-Hatta, Bandung; 15th August, 2010. Despite the fact that I wasn't really content with the foods I ordered and that all of my expectations and assumptions completely shattered as I met the real Nyan and Bang Blod, lawl, I'm exceptionally pleased for having meet both of you guys I knew merely through forums and sharing conversations and laughs per face to face; special thanks should've been given to Nyan for driving me home, ++1000 karma to you. 8DDD

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My mother has been off on her way to Gorontalo as I was sleeping and will be back in three days at 30th; how aggravating it is.

On another hand; soo. It's actually right that the new students at IT Telkom will be given free notebooks/laptops, although further specifications haven't yet been announced. And it's actually right, too, that PDKT is scary enough that we will be ordered to bring something quite strange, who knows; stuffs that I've been knowing so far are just still reassuringly common. The only thing that sucks is that it'll soon be started as it is advanced for 2 days into August, 7th; shit fucks.

..and yeah; I've got enough girl-mates in the same program for preparing.

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So. A drama; over again, which this time relates to a polemic owned by Girugamesh made by one of its pure fantard. And which, all over again, fails to at least recreatively amuse me. It started off by some strange scrobblings on last.fm done by several newly registered users as told below:

The first three users: damned7, kyosou_kyoku and kryzyss; who were all registered from 12th to 17th July, 2010 and have only scrobbled 5-16 times are shown to have a track tagged as Girugamesh's A Foolish Mindcore as their recent played. The last one I captured, shadowdio, seems to be only the "real" profile; as it was registered since 6 months ago. Interestingly, all listening data was reset on July 20th, as you might have seen; the same day all the following things happened:

• A user signed up under the name "shadowdio" at Tainted World forum [as a matter of a fact, he was also ever being a member of the old TW and used the member title "trade only hater" and created a topic "Stuff we'll never see around" to rant about rare stuff that was impossible to get because of people who wouldn't share it]. Minutes later, he signed up another account from the same IP, called "bowwow". Right after registration, he created the request thread for this "A Foolish Mindcore" we're currently talking, an alleged livehouse distributed CD by Girugemash under the name bowwow; a file that he allegedly scrobbled on last.fm often enough to become the Top Listener (under the name shadowdio. It's also highly likely that all the users over the right side on the page who added that track into their library are also A FAKE accounts.) See here: >>Link<<

• It gets even better. It has been brought to my attention that not long ago somebody edited Girugamesh's wikipedia page to add that release to their discography section. The TW admin, Champ213, soon enough managed to check the revision history to see who inserted the reference to that single. From what she successfully got, the edits were made from an anonymous user only identified by his IP. She checked this IP too and, unsurprisingly, found out that that is from the same city as the user shadowdio/bowwow came from [Buenos Aires, Argentina] and uses the same service provider. Sooo; even if you're helplessly stupid. Isn't it safe to assume that it's the same person again?

They had no live at this day. Also, there are no official sources stating that it was even released, nor there are mentions about any live distributed at members blog. And seriously, just in case if you use your brain properly: they are all poppy now, why should they release a song called mindcore? It won't even cross their mind!

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I TOOOOLLDDD YE.

I had told you that I wouldn't be telling you again. My life does, if not all, consist of mostly shits in each seconds where you were in; so please. I beg you. NO MORE SHITS. No more "OH MY GOD PLZ I'M LONELY PLZ COME BACK TO ME LET'S GET MARRIED AGAIIN PLZ I'M NO LONGER THE SAME DEPRAVED PERSON U USED TO KNOOOWWW I LOVE OUR CHLDRENZ PLZZ WE HAD BUILT OUR FAMILY FOR MOAR THAN 23 YEARZ I'M CHANGED FORGIVE MEE DON'T JUST LET IT ENDS LYK DIIIZZZ LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN FOR AT LEAST THE XXX.XXX.XXXTH TIMEES PLISZ!" BULLSHITS. No more pretending like you've been in a deep remorse if you actually have not. No more going batshit insane once you were rejected. No more threatening my mother, no more coming to our house every single day and silently locking my mother's room when you both were inside for mentally assaulting her and most importantly. NO MORE CURSING ME WITH SUCH SHITS LIKE I WILL BE ENDED UP WITH NO GUYS WILLING TO BE MY SPOUSE OR HUSBAND, God, I DON'T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT TO YOUR LONG IN GIVING A VENT FOR YOUR RAGING ANGER; dammit. No more pointing out at my brother to be my future guardian of wedlock once I get married just because you will never be one if you're still alive, dipshit; you ARE my father, no matter how much I hate you. So, please, I'm begging. Just leave us alone. Just find your own new life. JUST, please, go. With peace. For both our sakes. We're all tired with this shits.


In the meantime.... However. I've just bought a set of shits yesterday evening, due to Mum's demand. And make-up kits and body-treatment stuffs do count as shits. Well.. Thing is, I just went back home from buying those, which I've never bothered myself whether wasting my money for or using [only occasionally; if I really feel the need for applying and in special events where I think it's necessary]; and that's shits.

..so yeah, this entry is shits-abusive.

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and I believe in myself that it's--ignoring the fact that we're not even remotely close to be called 'cyber acquaintances who knows each other'--worth mentioning; even if you've only been doing me favors like 'uploading the whole discography of Phobia I had searched almost everywhere but to find nothing, in Mediafire' and 'granting my topic concerning Merrygoround's obscure goodies'--that's enough.

You're two now officially becoming my heroes, Skidium and elias-san; because so I won't bother asking Sho. And SUBLIMINAL/gensyoku-san too, as well, for upping the rather rare 六合's 宵闇の残光 once I posted a reply in request section. No idea either it's actually hard to get.. Or is it just me not seeking quite thoroughly?

Otherwise, deep inside. I know I'm asking too much.

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I'm honestly feeling a tad envious towards Arya-san right now after reading his Live Report on DELUHI's BLITZKRIEG LIVE ＠ 大阪 MUSE 2010. Not that I'm feeling envious because he was lucky enough to get the front row of the show so that he was able to see the members' clean and kickass performance, no. Not because he, much to my surprise, got an official guitar pick given directly by Leda which he used during the live and gotten an opportunity to say a simple "おおきにledaさん！" either; BUT. To put that aside. To be able to see the real Aggy in person.......

:contemplates:

Ah, well. :smacks self prior going all retard:


Anyway, regarding Lycaon's newest single +preview and bassist. Since I neither want myself to be a helplessly stupid fantard similar to those fujoushi who're highly likely squealing insanely over someone they think quite infatuating [OWAAAAAAAA YUUUKIIII UR SO KAWAIII YUUKIII RAEP ME PLIIZ HOW SEXY U R! I CAN IZILY TELL DAT UR NOT WEARIN' ANY UNDERWERZ UNDERNEATH UR TIGHT AND LACED LEATHER PANTS COZ I CAN CLEARLY C UR NAKED HIPS AND THIGHS ON EROS WOOO HONEEYYY YUUKI-KUUUNN KISSZ ME PLZ!!!!! 8(>///o///<)8] nor could I care less with how fucked the aforementioned vocalist [who, sluttily enough, was licking on a white sticky fluids from his hands] and how failed both Satoshi trying to impersonate Slash and that their crappy jazzy VK monster theme had successfully brought them into a whole new level of bad were, but the preview itself.. Terrible. Just terrible, really; and it's gotten to the point of where I don't think the full-length track is gonna make this up, at any rate.

Either way, into a pleasing one; before I went way too far on slapping them: congratulations to lynch. for both signing a major deal and starting their real debut after finishing their latest indies live tour in autumn this year; I've seen this coming. You guys totally deserved it.

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..have just, once again, gone on a pilgrimage to Tangerang due to my maternal Aunt's mother's death; who has been laid on an eternal rest on Friday noon, July 16th.

And buying stuffs like a plain black Vans slip-on shoes and an unkl347 sling bag for college.


..eh. I guess that's just enough for now; some neat rests like a long sleeps are inarguably needed. Then again.. Anyhow. I know it's not just me, but, despite the song sounded fairly awesome, his hair being so mighty and that he himself looked perfectly healthy and really appealing, Daisuke-san's yet to be released PV [which is included in his upcoming second solo single that has already been finished before his passings] strangely looks like it's a funeral-filmed. O____________O

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So. This is gonna be my upcoming curriculum in the first semester in the Industrial Engineering program, as I screen-captured from the college's site:









Looks like it's gonna be scary, isn't it.

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April 5th, 1992. ISTP. Engineering student, batch 2009. Likes sweets, cats, good readings, interesting people, prominent basslines, Christopher Nolan, Martin Scorsese and Stanley Kubrick's movies. DC-type individual. Constantly rants, sulks and rambles about random things. A fan of Urasawa Naoki. Easily gets bored. A weirdo. Longs to reside in either Canada or Australia. Has an indescribable fondness towards... Byung-hee, Mon Jae Shin, do they hit the hint I'm referring to? I mean, similarities between those two?

And music. I don't even know where to start. I don't want to be one of those bellends who's all like, "MAN MUSIC IS WHAT I LIVE FOR I'M GONNA DIE WITHOUT IT", but I come close. Suffice to say that music plays a large part in my life. My last.fm library pretty much caters my current listening habit (and, if any, rotation) - I'm basically a shameless sucker for instrumental, post/prog-rock, folk, ambient, experimental and avant-garde; anything that intrigues my musical deity.

Lastly, to name a trait, paradoxical describes me best.

ShoutMix chat widget

My last.fm account // My twitter account

guchi * kojappo * mikochin * ka rima
* ilma-chan * eko cingot * verdi * hotaru miyawaki * veechan * mikazuki mirai
yukiruu yui * gochii~ * cloudz * runni * moecchi * meganekko * kanon * ayacchu <3 * ghejje * miramince.



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