Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I'm sorry. @ 18:03
I need a day to write this entry in detail. Not precisely a day, actually; it's more than 30 hours since I first planned to post this, but....... Oh, well.
...............y'know, my cat has a miscarriage.
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I slammed your body onto the door up until you were bounced and your stomach was pressed so hard you had a miscarriage. I'm sorry that both of your babies were born prematurely--or, I may say, too early they actually haven't yet been perfectly shaped--and dying because of me. I'm sorry that they don't have the chance to live, and I'm sorry for making you all tortured. I was so shocked the moment I saw your babies half born, and the moment they weakly breathed in and out, and warmed inside your body, and ended up dying and laying down on the carpet--without souls--, eventually...... That I felt guilty I couldn't quite focus on my final Exam. That the glimpse of me putting their dead bodies into the sheets of tissues keep on glistening on my head even until now; it was so scary I feel terribly sorry for you. I'm so sorry that you're now having a slight hemorrhaging and couldn't even walk properly that you don't have any desire to eat and could only lay down on my bed, powerlessly........ I'm sorry. I really am.
To your children, and to the weak you,
I'm sorry. I know it's all my fault.