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So. One of my friends passed away on a train crash yesterday................

Bukep just told me yesterday morning for she watched the news herself: Lina was apparently pinned inbetween the wagons which crashed and she--with the other two--couldn't survive. Her funeral will be held today at Kebumen, & Sevilla with the other friends will be going there. May you rest in peace, Lin; my prayers and condolence are always with you & your family.

I'm seriously still in shock & can't believe this, even until now.

Labels: Mourning

My cat passed away this dawn.

For the very first time my brother salvaged her, and brought her to our home at June, 12nd, I thought she was going to stay for years. I thought she would grow up for long. I thought she would keep running behind and following me as I strolled outside the house. I thought she would always sit in front of the door, waiting for me to come back home. And sleep on my body and licking my fingers. But then she passed away on the first 6 months due to the terrible miscarriage and hemorrhaging and the lack of vitamins & antibiotics....... And stupid me for causing that. When I thought I'm going to clean her milk-bowl, and buy her some medicines a friend suggested me, it was all too late I saw her laying down on bed: her body stiffened, mouth gaped open, vaginal-area dirtied by drips of dried blood and her strange-sleeping position somehow indicated no breathing signs I cried and mourned for hours, feeling miserably guilty. If only I didn't happen to slam your body to the door up until your stomach was pressed so hard, you and your children would probably have the chance to live longer. And that you all didn't have to suffer. I know I've said this for so many times, but I'm really sorry. My brother did tell me that you were whimpering in pain for the whole night before you passed away, and I know I'm not a good owner for you actually deserved a better caretaker, but........................

.........then again, when all of your expectations and prayers got easily flipped upside down and it succeeds to bewilder you, you'll eventually be back to realize that life never ceases to flatter us, in a way or another.

Rest in peace. December 30th, 2010.

Labels: Mourning

I need a day to write this entry in detail. Not precisely a day, actually; it's more than 30 hours since I first planned to post this, but....... Oh, well.

...............y'know, my cat has a miscarriage.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I slammed your body onto the door up until you were bounced and your stomach was pressed so hard you had a miscarriage. I'm sorry that both of your babies were born prematurely--or, I may say, too early they actually haven't yet been perfectly shaped--and dying because of me. I'm sorry that they don't have the chance to live, and I'm sorry for making you all tortured. I was so shocked the moment I saw your babies half born, and the moment they weakly breathed in and out, and warmed inside your body, and ended up dying and laying down on the carpet--without souls--, eventually...... That I felt guilty I couldn't quite focus on my final Exam. That the glimpse of me putting their dead bodies into the sheets of tissues keep on glistening on my head even until now; it was so scary I feel terribly sorry for you. I'm so sorry that you're now having a slight hemorrhaging and couldn't even walk properly that you don't have any desire to eat and could only lay down on my bed, powerlessly........ I'm sorry. I really am.


To your children, and to the weak you,


I'm sorry. I know it's all my fault.

Labels: Mourning

So. One of my friends passed away on a train crash yesterday................

Bukep just told me yesterday morning for she watched the news herself: Lina was apparently pinned inbetween the wagons which crashed and she--with the other two--couldn't survive. Her funeral will be held today at Kebumen, & Sevilla with the other friends will be going there. May you rest in peace, Lin; my prayers and condolence are always with you & your family.

I'm seriously still in shock & can't believe this, even until now.

Labels: Mourning

My cat passed away this dawn.

For the very first time my brother salvaged her, and brought her to our home at June, 12nd, I thought she was going to stay for years. I thought she would grow up for long. I thought she would keep running behind and following me as I strolled outside the house. I thought she would always sit in front of the door, waiting for me to come back home. And sleep on my body and licking my fingers. But then she passed away on the first 6 months due to the terrible miscarriage and hemorrhaging and the lack of vitamins & antibiotics....... And stupid me for causing that. When I thought I'm going to clean her milk-bowl, and buy her some medicines a friend suggested me, it was all too late I saw her laying down on bed: her body stiffened, mouth gaped open, vaginal-area dirtied by drips of dried blood and her strange-sleeping position somehow indicated no breathing signs I cried and mourned for hours, feeling miserably guilty. If only I didn't happen to slam your body to the door up until your stomach was pressed so hard, you and your children would probably have the chance to live longer. And that you all didn't have to suffer. I know I've said this for so many times, but I'm really sorry. My brother did tell me that you were whimpering in pain for the whole night before you passed away, and I know I'm not a good owner for you actually deserved a better caretaker, but........................

.........then again, when all of your expectations and prayers got easily flipped upside down and it succeeds to bewilder you, you'll eventually be back to realize that life never ceases to flatter us, in a way or another.

Rest in peace. December 30th, 2010.

Labels: Mourning

I need a day to write this entry in detail. Not precisely a day, actually; it's more than 30 hours since I first planned to post this, but....... Oh, well.

...............y'know, my cat has a miscarriage.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I slammed your body onto the door up until you were bounced and your stomach was pressed so hard you had a miscarriage. I'm sorry that both of your babies were born prematurely--or, I may say, too early they actually haven't yet been perfectly shaped--and dying because of me. I'm sorry that they don't have the chance to live, and I'm sorry for making you all tortured. I was so shocked the moment I saw your babies half born, and the moment they weakly breathed in and out, and warmed inside your body, and ended up dying and laying down on the carpet--without souls--, eventually...... That I felt guilty I couldn't quite focus on my final Exam. That the glimpse of me putting their dead bodies into the sheets of tissues keep on glistening on my head even until now; it was so scary I feel terribly sorry for you. I'm so sorry that you're now having a slight hemorrhaging and couldn't even walk properly that you don't have any desire to eat and could only lay down on my bed, powerlessly........ I'm sorry. I really am.


To your children, and to the weak you,


I'm sorry. I know it's all my fault.

Labels: Mourning

April 5th, 1992. ISTP. Engineering student, batch 2009. Likes sweets, cats, good readings, interesting people, prominent basslines, Christopher Nolan, Martin Scorsese and Stanley Kubrick's movies. DC-type individual. Constantly rants, sulks and rambles about random things. A fan of Urasawa Naoki. Easily gets bored. A weirdo. Longs to reside in either Canada or Australia. Has an indescribable fondness towards... Byung-hee, Mon Jae Shin, do they hit the hint I'm referring to? I mean, similarities between those two?

And music. I don't even know where to start. I don't want to be one of those bellends who's all like, "MAN MUSIC IS WHAT I LIVE FOR I'M GONNA DIE WITHOUT IT", but I come close. Suffice to say that music plays a large part in my life. My last.fm library pretty much caters my current listening habit (and, if any, rotation) - I'm basically a shameless sucker for instrumental, post/prog-rock, folk, ambient, experimental and avant-garde; anything that intrigues my musical deity.

Lastly, to name a trait, paradoxical describes me best.

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My last.fm account // My twitter account

guchi * kojappo * mikochin * ka rima
* ilma-chan * eko cingot * verdi * hotaru miyawaki * veechan * mikazuki mirai
yukiruu yui * gochii~ * cloudz * runni * moecchi * meganekko * kanon * ayacchu <3 * ghejje * miramince.



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